The gods hate me.

So, you know last week when I said that the Philharmonic was playing in Central Park, and then there was a thunder storm, so no one went. Well, it's happening again on Tuesday night, but, again, it's supposed to rain. Slow hand claps for the weather. Thanks, thanks a lot.

Here's the line up.
John Adams: The Chairman Dances
Prokofiev: Violin Concerto No. 1
Beethoven: Symphony No. 5

Ribaldry in the Park

UCB is performing on Central Park Summerstage on Wednesday.

Look, at the funny people. There are SO many of them:

MC David Moore (New York Comedy Festival, Carolines on Broadway) opens the program, hosted by Paul Scheer (VH's 1 Best Week Ever) and Rob Heubel with scheduled performers Aziz Ansari (Crash Test), Todd Barry, Jackie Clarke (Free FM, Showgirls), Slovin and Allen (Saturday Night Live), Matt Besser & Matt Walsh (UCB), Rebecca Drysdale (Winner Break Out Aspen 2005, Second City), Kristin Schaal (Winner Break Out Aspen 2006, Kate and Leopold), Jon Benjamin (Family Guy, Aqua Teen Hungerforce), and John Glaser (Late Night with Conan O'Brien, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby).

Doors open at 6:30, show starts at 7:30.

DIRECTION: Central Park SummerStage is located at Rumsey Playfield in Central Park. Enter the park at 69th Street and 5th Avenue on the east side or at 72nd Street and Central Park West on the west side.

UnHacked: The Legends Ball

Come drink at our house this Friday around 8ish, for UnHacked: The Legends Ball. We will be celebrating women who have paved the way for others, and also not getting killed last week on the subway by a man with an electric saw. Both are equally important to us.

Wednesday in the Park with Tchaikovsky

The New York Philharmonic is having its free summer concert on the Great Lawn in Central Park on July 12th. You bring a picnic, some wine, and lay out under the stars. Very pleasent, to say the least. This week's concert includes Tchaikovsky: Coronation March, Tchaikovsky: Violin Concerto and Dvořák: Symphony No. 8. The concert starts at 8, but you need to get there earlier than that to stake your claim.

Oh, and there are fireworks afterwards. Sold?

The Great Lawn, Central Park, 8pm.
Directions:
- Westside entrances: West 81st or 86th Streets at Central Park West.
- Eastside entrances: East 79th or 85th Streets at Fifth Avenue.

Stick it to Dolores, terrorists alternately

It's Fourth of July Weekend, everybody! Which means both your FUNgenda co-chairs are out of town! We will not be joining you! Hooray!

So for those of you missing out on the amber waves of grain this holiday season, here are a few smidgeons of awesome at which to wave your flags and think of Thomas Jefferson.

7/3 - 5pm: M*A*S*H at Bryant Park
7/4 - Washington Square Music Festival; 9pm: Fourth of July Fireworks down at South Street Seaport
7/5 - 3pm: Harry and the Potters, at the NYPL! 8pm: Harry and the Potters AGAIN, at the Knitting Factory; 8:30pm: Mean Girls, Hudson River Park, Pier 54
7/6 - 6pm: Broken Social Scene, Prospect Park; 8:30pm: Wizard of Oz, Brooklyn Bridge
7/7 - 8:30pm: Wallace and Gromit (Curse of the WereRabbit), Hudson River Park, Pier 46^


^Be Forwarned: This film produced by redcoats and monarchists.

Laugh with me.

Gothamist presents Laughable Hype 2.0 feat. Eugene Mirman w/ Todd Barry and Aziz Ansari
when:
Tue 6.27 (8pm)
where:
Pianos (158 Ludlow St, 212.505.3733)
price:$8 / $7 advance

All of these people are funny. I don't want to laugh alone.

Experimental-Art-Punk-Doc-Narrative-Film-Night

OK, I know this sounds slightly pretentious, but I think it could actually be pretty cool. I mean, the band is called Japanther, as in Japan + Panther, and each of these constituating words are things that are awesome. Plus, there are $1 Stellas.

Billyburg Short Film Festival
feat. Michael Showalter and Japanther
Sat 6.24 (6:30pm)
McCarren Park Pool (Lorimer St btwn Driggs Ave & Bayard St, Wburg)
$10

Speaking of Michael Showalter, he's performing tonight at 10pm, at Rififi
332 E. 11th St., between 1st and 2nd Aves.

Under the Sea

Don your shimmering tails, ladies and gents, it's time for the annual Mermaid Parade at Coney Island. The proceedings are ruled over by a King Neptune and Queen Mermaid (celebrities-to-be-announced). In the past, they've had Queen Latifah and Moby leading the parade, so fingers crossed for someone equal to their majesty.

Mermaid Parade
Sat 6.24 (2pm)
Coney Island Boardwalk

Heathen

This Sunday at the Met, just around church-goin' time, will be a movie on the Popol Vuh and Mayan Creation myths. I suppose St. John the Divine is closer to my house, but at the end of the day, I know where I stand. And that is, firmly on the side of the pyramids.

Let me know if you want to come too, there's going to be a lecture later on blood sacrifice. (This is all in conjunction with the exhibit, Treasures of the Sacred Maya Kings, which is very good.)